Bloomin' Onion

A couple of months ago, with the snow finally melted but spring still a distance away, I made a decision about planting in my garden.  It was, as those decisions often are, inspired by my providential forgetfulness.

One of the yellow onions I'd bought from Harris Teeter had been left unused for too long.  It wasn't rotting or foul or ready for the compost.  It was growing.  A five inch long shoot stuck out like a green spear from the non-rooted end, as despite a lack of water or soil, the life was still strong within it.

Maybe, I thought, that one needs to be planted.   I took a trowel, wandered outside, and plopped it into the soil of an unused corner of my four by eight garlic bed.  I watered it, then left it to its own devices.  

If it grew, it grew.  If it didn't, no harm, no foul.

As the weather has warmed, it's thriving.  I soon realized that atop the now two-foot long primary shoot and another secondary shoot, a scape had formed.  The scape looked remarkably like a wee little onionette sitting atop the shoot.That meant it was going to flower, and if it flowered, it was going to seed.  Or so I assumed, having only ever grown spring onions before.

A little Googling revealed that onions have, like many similar plants, a two year life cycle.  Year one, the energy pours into the root, which grows fat and tasty.  Year two, that energy-dense root pours all of the stored life into flowering bodies, which create the seeds that will continue the process.

Meaning, I might be able to get an entire bed worth of onions, if I seed-save it.  This seemed a lovely prospect, and so I've waited and watched as the scape has grown, the outer onionskin thinning, tiny little buds forming into what will be a lovely white chrysanthemum-esque blossom.

It's just bursting open now, and as a hundred little buds prepare to spread their petals, I'm eager to see how it progresses.

Remarkable, how much happens in the garden if you simply leave things to live as God intends.

The Onion Sells Out

For the better part of a decade, I've been a fan of the Onion. It has consistently served up the kind of ironic, absurdist snark that is a part of any self-respecting iconoclast's balanced breakfast.

That may be changing. While watching the latest Onion News Network missive, something...well...something didn't smell right. Here. Watch for yourself:




Is the video snarky and ironic? Check and check. But it was also..several days before the release of the film...shilling for Paramount.

The primary subtext of this little bit of faux cynicism isn't insightful social commentary, or an elegantly veiled undercutting of a core absurdity of our culture.

Once you get past the cheap and easy digs at Trekker geek culture, what we're meant to take away is that this is a GREAT MOVIE! ACTION PACKED! BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE! WITH AMAZING SPECIAL EFFECTS! IT'S FUN FOR EVERYONE! PARAMOUNT DID A GREAT JOB! WE SHOULD ALL GO SEE IT!

That may, in fact, be true. I'm not in a position to judge, not having seen the film.

Saying it midway through next week would be social commentary. Saying it prior to the release of the film is just good ol' fashioned marketing. It is, at best, like a hipster version of the star-du-jour showing up on Good Morning America to pitch their upcoming major motion picture.

And when a formerly reliable cynic abandons their ironic detachment and becomes an instrument of a carefully constructed marketing campaign, well, it's the beginning of the end.