The Model X is...well...a little goofy. Those "Falcon doors" could not be more overcomplex, brah, and even my 2012 Odyssey has middle row seats that recline. The Cybertruck is simply preposterous, with form so defiant of function that it makes a Hummer EV look like a logical purchase. And the Roadster? Only Elon's ever going to have one of those. That said, I understand why one would own a Tesla, or lease a Tesla.
But there are elements of the Tesla experience that aren't front and center to most Americans.
First, that Tesla is now more of a Chinese company than an American company. We don't get their Chinese market cars, but the Gigafactories Musk has built in mainland China produce more cars there than Tesla produces here. Those Chinese cars are the ones that get exported to the rest of the world, as they cost about 20% less to manufacture than the US cars. Anecdotally, they're also of higher quality, because the Chinese EV market is fiercely competitive. I have no beef with this, but it's a wee bit more... er... "globalist" than most 'Muricans grasp.
Second, that Tesla's all-screen all-the-time approach to telematics is an ergonomic abomination. Yeah, their UI is good. But using a single touchscreen for every function isn't "revolutionary." It's a maladaptive mutation. I don't want to swipe to shift. I don't want every control to require me to look way from the road. But then again, it's not a "control." The goal of Tesla, clearly stated, is to take the ability to drive away from drivers. Full Self Driving, they proclaim! It's coming! Let it drive for you! This, as someone who likes to drive, is precisely what I don't want.
Third, Teslas have a legendary issue with braking. They're "fast," but only in a straight line. But there's an issue when it comes to...stopping. Like, say, in the Annual Car and Driver Lightning Lap competition. Every year for the last 18 years, C&D has taken the fastest cars from manufacturers, and ripped 'em around Virginia International Raceway. Tesla has offered up a vehicle...never. Only once, back in 2016, was a stock Model S run hard around the VIR, and it...failed. It was a P85D, the fastest of the Teslas at the time, and it went real fast down the first straight, at which point its brakes failed, and it gimped around the rest of the track in a reduced power mode, and then a suspension failure alert. That was ten years ago. But a similar recent track test of the Model 3 Performance resulted in the same basic failure. The latest Tesla Model S Plaid has the same problem. Can those flaws be remedied? Sure. You can pay Tesla $27,000 more dollars for an upgraded brake package. You can improve the brakes in the aftermarket.
Teslas are great at going real fast, once. But when pushed hard, their stock brakes are a significant and lingering weakness. As is changing direction abruptly.
Both of which only matter if you are, you know, driving.
So, to summarize, the primary systemic Tesla flaws are twofold:
1) They're dangerously prone to going faster than they can safely manage;
2) They're increasingly designed to take our personal agency away.
Which, now, seems just the weensiest bit...metaphoric.
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