8 When Billy became old, he made his son pastor over America. 2 The name of his son was Franklin, he was a pastor in North Carolina. 3 Yet his son did not follow in his ways, but turned aside to fight the culture wars; he was frequently ungracious and judgmental and not nearly as good a preacher as his sister.
4 Then all the politicians of America gathered together and came to Billy at Montreat, 5 and said to him, “You are old and your son does not follow in your ways; so we elected a strange loud man who tells us what we want to hear. Give us now the blessing to use creation as our slave.” 6 But the thing displeased Billy when they said, “Bless us to use creation as our slave.” Billy prayed to the Lord, 7 and the Lord said to Billy, “Listen to the voice of the people in all that they say to you; for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected me from my Lordship over my work. 8 Just as they have done to me, from the day I brought them up out of Egypt to this day, forsaking me and serving Mammon and power, so also they are doing to you. 9 Now then, listen to their voice; only—you shall solemnly warn them, and show them what it means to use creation as their slave.”
10 So Billy reported all the words of the Lord to the people who were asking him for power to use creation as a slave. 11 He said, “These will be the ways of the creation that you imagine will serve you, O children of earth: the storm will rise up, and scour the land with tearing winds and beating rain, and you will be helpless; 12 and the seasons will turn on you in disdain, turning winter to summer and spring to winter, and you will be confused. 13 The oceans will weary of your clamor and hunger, and all the fish and the reefs and the great Leviathan will die, and the seas will be as empty and devoid of life as the desert at noonday. 14 In her anger at the loss of her children, the sea will rise up in her rage, taunting you as she slowly eats the homes of the rich and your cities and the harbors of your trading ships. Creation will take the best of your corn fields and vineyards and apple orchards and make them a bitter memory. 15 It will take your grain and of your vineyards and return them to dust. 16 As you ravish the earth with your minings and your pumpings and your frackings, it will shudder and shake and strike out, and throw you off as a women's heavyweight Mixed Martial Arts champion might take down a pawing drunkard at a sports bar. 17 Though you, O creatures of earth, might imagine yourselves creation's master, in your foolishness you shall be its slaves. 18 And in that day you will cry out because of creation, which you have chosen to "rule" for yourselves; but the Lord will not answer you in that day.”
America's Request for Power Over Creation Granted
19 But the people refused to listen to the voice of Billy; they said, “No! But we are determined to use creation as a slave, 20 so that we may be great again, and that our CEOs might have large bonuses and our corporations might have improved quarterly profit margins.” 21 When Billy had heard all the words of the people, he repeated them in the ears of the Lord. 22 The Lord said to Billy, “Listen to their voice and let them imagine they are lord over my creation.” Billy then said to the people of America, “Each of you return home.”